Don't Feel Bad
While I binge watched every episode of Kitchen Nightmares, I kept hearing Chef Gordon Ramsay say this:
Essentially, he was referring to the people who weren't doing anything proactive for the business, but I found Guru Gordon's words to be pretty applicable to my life (seeing as keeping it together is such a full blown job that it feels like a crashing business). I've come to realize within the last few months that throwing the driftwood back into the ocean isn't just smart for a failing restaurateur. It's also a good idea for any person who gives a shit about their own well being. This can mean friends OR family... I also think it doesn't even mean dropping individuals, because sometimes entire environments (work or social) can be toxic to a person.
I used to think that kicking people to the curb-if they stopped doing anything proactive for me-was a sign that I was a shitty person. Now I've realized that I really should not feel bad, and ya'll I don't. I'm sure that comes off as a very Blair Waldorf thing to say; however, much as I would like to be, I'm in no way in an episode of Gossip Girl. So when I say I don't feel bad about cutting people out of my life that aren't proactive in it, I don't mean I get rid of people who aren't "useful" in a superficial way. There's nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself. You can remove yourself from people and places that keep you stagnant in a state of mind where progress isn't something you want.
Personally, I feel if I hadn't dropped certain people from my life, I wouldn't be where I am now. This can even include people who don't have any of your best interests at heart. Unfortunately this usually comes to play in terms of family, as those are the people who usually have nothing other than your best interests in mind. I even feel that about places I used to spend a lot of time at- where the subjects of conversations were mostly gossip, and complaining, and nobody really ever wanted to do anything more than just enough to be comfortable right where they were at. Most of the time-as is my nature-I don't wake up one day and make the decision to cut someone out, but just generally stop making the effort for people who weren't making the effort for me. Do I miss those people sometimes? Obviously, but often the universe has a funny way of showing you that you let them out of your life for a reason; be that via a petty middle school grade subtweet-esque post, or even your own observations of seeing them lack progression.
I think of it in the way I think of a rocket gets to the moon. It starts out at launch with a ton of parts. In order to get from one stage to another, it sheds those parts once they can't get the rocket any farther than it has. This is why I genuinely do not feel bad about letting people go. Who I am as a person is someone who-even though I let people drift away-I still would not wish them any ill will. I keep my good thoughts from afar, as I feel like the energy you put out into the universe is returned to you one way or another. When I see an opportunity to help someone out that I may have been friends with at one point or another, but have lost touch with, I still feel as a sign of being a genuinely good human that purposefully ignoring the chance to help them is kind of dickish. Unfortunately some people take that as an attempt to maintain the friendship, when it's really just me kind of trying not to be an ass...buuuuut the people that don't understand that obviously weren't providing anything enriching to my life, and are now not really missing from it in a way that I feel. That was dead weight I didn't need.
Within the last year, obviously not all at once, I've felt no need to go back and reach out to those types of people, and in a weird way as shitty as it made me feel at first...now I'm extremely grateful. I've left those people, and I've left the places that house people who don't want better or any type of progress. Now I'm working for myself, and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Even while I was still in those situations and in those relationships and places where I thought I was happy, something was nagging at me that was telling me "you can do better". I felt stagnant. That started to weigh on me emotionally and mentally. So now that I am pretty free of that, and no longer doing things in order to make other people happy, I feel pretty damn great.
The point of the post is this: Don't feel bad about leaving shitty people. This might be shitty friends-and the places you were hanging out at, or this might be shitty family members who think only about themselves and how you may benefit them(or how you never did). Either way, there's no reason to ever feel bad about wanting what's best for yourself, and recently I've found that so many people limit their potential and happiness trying to keep everyone else from being mad at them. Being without people you're used to having is...uncomfortable for a while, but probably not as uncomfortable as it is to look back on your life when you're old and realize you spent your whole life keeping others happy before you ever were. So drift away, find your own path, drink an entire bottle of wine, eat a box of macarons in your bathtub... and think of all the people left talking shit about you because you had the nerve to actually give a shit about yourself. AND DON'T FEEL BAD!